I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
