She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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