Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
