I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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