No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
