i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
