They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
