I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
