I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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