Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
