just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
