The best revenge is premature balding
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
