Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
