i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
