if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
