Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
