WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
