My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
