i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
