I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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