The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
