doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
