just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
