Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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