so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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