I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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