i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
