I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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