the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
