if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
