how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
