are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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