Whod you bang
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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