Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
