I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
