I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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