Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
