Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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