Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
