yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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