Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
