I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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