The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
