I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
