Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
