So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
