I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
