Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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