Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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