she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
